Comparison is a b*tch
Is it the toxic habit we can never truly quit? Or is it just human nature?
Hello lovely,
This post is a little different to the usual ones you may expect - it’s more of a rant. Well, rant / discussion / mental off-loading.
Something I have struggled with for a long time, and still do now, is comparing myself to others.
Be honest - it’s something we’re all guilty of at times.
But is it something we can ever totally rid ourselves of? Or is it built in to our human nature?
My worst place for this is definitely social media - as I would imagine it is for most people.
I find myself going about my business on social media, only to be punched in the face by the bully that is comparison. And for some reason it still always takes me by surprise whenever it shows up.
The thing is, I know I should take more breaks from social media, but I find it difficult because it is a place where I find snippets of creative inspiration, and being an introvert, I enjoy the connection without having to fully be around people all the time.
Only after scrolling on Instagram I am left wondering why this person has so many more followers than I do, or after posting a TikTok I feel saddened when it doesn’t go viral.
Reminder: you don’t need to go viral or have thousands of followers for your creative work to be worthy.
Recently, I’ve even felt these feelings begin to creep in here on Substack. Which makes me feel worse, because I love Substack already and feel like it’s such a breath of fresh air compared to other platforms. To simply be able to write for the sake of writing.
The little voice whispers ‘why don’t you have XYZ amount of subscribers yet?’ or, ‘have I started this too late?’.
Well, that voice needs to kindly fuck off. Please and thank you.
Our words deserve to be heard and comparisonitis really needs to take a day off.
Why has it become such a normal thing to question our work and what we put out there into the world?
Maybe it’s because we tend to tie so much of our worth to our work. Which arguably, we should do! We’ve spent our time, energy and creative resources doing so. But in reality, there is just so much out there in the world now, that it’s become all too easy to fall into the trap of allowing our worth to become tethered to our creativity.
It’s something I feel will always be there - the comparison demon lurking in the shadows. But something I’m trying to be better at is knowing everything is a journey, and there’s a lot of seemingly invisible things at play on each journey.
I guess this is simply a thank you to all the cheerleaders that tirelessly support our work and who pick us back up after the bully / demon / whatever you call it - has knocked us to the ground. Those beautiful souls who are there fighting our corners, no matter how many followers or subscribers we may or may not have.
Your words and your art matter, and if they help lift even one person’s day, then our job as a creative is done.
How do you defend yourself from the demon? I definitely need some tips!
Oh I feel you! I will admit, my comparing myself to others has gotten better over the years, and even though there is the lingering thought behind my eyes going 'well, they're better than you' I am ignoring it. I like to think that the handful of people who have subscribed to my Substack (who I love!) have brought me happiness, rather than bringing me worry of the numbers. I much prefer having more connection with a smaller group of people who I know are the 'right' ones, rather than viral posts and videos flooded with not-very-meaningful-likes. But when I do start to feel like that, I just read back on one of my posts or some of the comments and remember why it's worth it 🤍
I'm right there with you, Jenna. I've always referred to these inner voices as demons or gremlins. But I recently came across a new way to look at my inner voices (new to me anyway).
My partner has been doing a lot of work with her counsellor on "internal family systems", getting to know each of these voices and where they come from; and exploring how their words are driven by a need to protect us from harm and not intended to hurt us. It's a big shift but somehow, just assuming better intentions for those voices makes it easier to reassure them and set their concerns aside long enough to push through and do the thing.
I'm not sure I'm explaining this very well. It's new to me and I'm only learning about it second-hand. But I've definitely found that slight mental shift has helped a little.